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Yes, I am serious and I know this seems a bit crazy and out of the blue…but…it isn’t.

I have known for 4 intense, twisted years that there is something between us. For 2 years, we were trying not to like each other, but it was hard to avoid. I know I went out of my way to see you and spend time with you. That is not generally who I am, which means, I knew you were special. You also tried so hard not to like me. I was like a bad apple and just kept coming back.

I knew when I dropped you off on Christmas Eve two years ago too. I told you I loved you. I did and I knew I would miss you. Do you realize that you are a lot of the reason I filed for divorce on January 8th? Not because you were responsible for the divorce but because I didn’t want to have a relationship with you while I was still married. I had more respect for you and our relationship. I didn’t want to start a relationship with you that was under a cloud. Who knew at that time that it would be as hard as it has been?! We both thought you would be back regularly to see me. Life took a different turn.

The last two years have been hard, intense, trying and wonderful. We have experienced the “sickness” part of a relationship. We have shown each other that there is more to a relationship than we have experienced before. We hold each other and it is healing. We have been scared and yet we have broken through many barriers and shared. We have loved each other in ways we have never loved before. At the end, we have both grown into better and more self-confident people.

These have been some tough years dealing with cancer, family, finances, and baggage…life really. And recently, our talks and fears made me realize even more. If something were to happen again to me or you, I want you by my side. I have been searching and thinking about what I want. I needed some time to do this and I know it has been very hard on you but in doing so, I have realized that you are right in front of me. We have survived…at times on a line thread…that tells me a lot. Now we just have the government creating an unnecessary barrier.

Here is what I know…I love you and you love me. I don’t think I have ever had someone love me as much as you do! I love that you love to care for me. I have wished for so long that you where here to help me and take care of me…and I know you have too.  I have also wished I was there for you more than I could be.

Then there are my kids…you love my kids and they love you even though you really barely know each other. They have all told me how much they like you. I have confidence that you can find the balance of being their friend and helping me raise them. I also know how much it warms your heart when they reach out to you! That says a lot about you. Not to mention, I know in your heart you are a family guy. Your family has failed you but you know how important family is. I look forward to spending time with you at all the family functions, games, etc.

This is our chance. The thought of having you here with me is warming. The thought of having dinner and drinks in town and going home together…for the world to see…sounds amazing. I want you here to take care of me and I want to be here for you. I want you to succeed again and be there to see it.  I want to travel to destinations that we both dream of and not worry about boundaries. I want to cuddle by the fire at the lake together and spend time during the summer on the boat.

Would I be proposing if we didn’t have these boundaries?…maybe not because I would take my cautious time and not feel the need to marry to be together…but…we have this time and I think it is worth the shot. By getting married, we give ourselves a chance. I know we won’t make it for the next three years with the current situation. I need you here with me and you know that. I want to see if this works. And…it isn’t just because it makes logical senses…it is because we love each other.

I know this seems out of the blue and confusing for you. I know I have been distant for months. I also know that I walked into your apartment before Christmas and ran back into your arms. It felt like home and where I should be. I have spent 6 months trying to figure out what I want and here I am. I know that no relationship is perfect but I also know that you have so many great qualities and love me beyond the norm. I love you too!

I am sorry that this is so non-traditional. I respect your chivalry (and love it) but I also know that you would never ask me given the situation…so…will you marry me Martin?

“So honey now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Place your head on my beating heart

I’m thinking out loud

That maybe we found love right where we are”

~ Ed Sheeran